Archive for the ‘Academe’ Category

Chancellor Wish List

August 27, 2009

So, as many of you know, we have embarked on a search for a new Chancellor.  In the interest of transparency, the university has decided to actually get opinions from faculty, staff and students about what they would like to see in this position.  Based on preliminary feedback, here’s what we’re looking for:

  • Someone who can separate religion and education.
  • Someone who will defend religious groups on campus.
  • Someone who is undergraduate focused, instead of research-focused.
  • Someone who will continue to give research the support it deserves.
  • Someone who is committed to diversity.
  • Someone who won’t give in to the relentless pressure to be P.C. when doing so would make the university act in a ridiculous manner.
  • Someone young.
  • Someone with the benefit of years of experience, who’s been around the block.
  • Someone who listens to everyone’s concerns before acting.
  • Someone who knows that leadership means shouldering the burden of decision-making.
  • Someone who isn’t completely bound to the whims of donors.
  • Someone who is a fundraising genius.

So to sum up, it appears that our new chancellor needs to be a religious atheist multi-racial bisexual hermaphrodite who is under 50, has at least 15 years experience in the classroom and 15 years in the lab, and who is a maverick renegade visionary leader who builds perfect consensus and who can get money from people s/he will then tell to mind their own business.

It’s going to be an interesting year.

Packing Tips

August 24, 2009

Everyone knows that the best (as in “free,” and “already sectioned into neat cubbyholes for glassware”) boxes for packing kitchenware in are the ones that you can get at the local liquor store.

Unfortunately, since everyone knows this, competition is fierce for the boxes….

Unless you are located at a university, where the stacks of empty liquor boxes actually obstruct the entrance to the local liquor store.

Bless you, legions of drunken college students!  You are saving me a tidy sum on packing!

Bad Judgement, or Deliberate Incitement? You Decide

June 26, 2009

Yesterday I was reading the online articles about William Robinson, a sociology prof. who had caused an uproar by comparing Israelis in Gaza to Nazi extermination camps.  So they did the whole “free speech, chilling effect, investigation” hoo-ha, and cleared him of academic misconduct.  Fine.  First amendment, yadda, yadda.

As I perused the comments, though, I noticed that in all the usual comment thread devolution into “Oh, those poor beleaguered Palestinians!” “Evil thought police!” “Typical moronic sociologist!” “Antisemitism!” sentiments, no one had thought to point out that perhaps if the professor in question had made his genocide argument without automatically pulling a Godwin, none of this would have happened.

So I thought I would ask you, dear readers.  There are tons of examples of territorial takeover (and/or genocide) one can point to throughout history, from Danish raids on Saxon villages in the Dark Ages up through modern-day Sudan.  By choosing to compare Israel to Nazi Germany, did this professor:

 a) pick the best historical example at hand of the behavior he wanted to illustrate 

 b) just want to piss people off

c) have no concept of how this comparison might be perceived by people outside of his social milieu

d) freak out because he had a grant proposal due and so fail to pay attention to what he was actually writing for his class

e) all of the above

f) none of the above

Because if it’s “b,” well, mission accomplished, sparky!  Although I am curious as to which pedagogical theory advocates incitement as a valid educational strategy.  I could have made excellent use of that tactic in my english writing courses, and substantially livened up those 8 a.m. classes.

Hell Hath no Fury

June 10, 2009

Like a linguist scorned.  Or a linguist who didn’t think of the publicity stunt first.

I’m not kidding.  In my short and illustrious academic career, during which I wandered the deepest swamps of personal insecurity masked by adherence to experimental theory and sexual politics, the touchiest professors I ever dealt with were linguistics profs.  It always struck me as odd, but there it was.

In fact, the most vicious intra-academic attack I ever witnessed was during a candidate’s campus visitation presentation for the position of professor of Victorian English lit.  He came, all the grad students dutifully trudged into the basement classroom to hear his presentation, and sometime during the 40 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, he apparently misused a linguistics term.

All hell broke loose in the form of a highly insecure englishwoman who had recently joined the linguistics faculty.  Seriously.  There followed a ten-minute harangue on the proper usage of the term, with highlights including the casting of aspersions upon this hapless man’s intellect and breeding.  I cannot remember the exact phrases used, but I do remember being completely mortified on behalf of the candidate, the crazy linguist, my fellow students, the university, and the world at large.

In short, that episode taught me not to piss off the linguistics folks.  Perhaps they are thin-skinned because they actually get treated like the red-headed stepchildren of the english department, which must be truly humiliating…

So reading this article brought back some memories.  Only linguists can muster such high dudgeon about the declaration of  “Web 2.0″ as english’s one millionth word.

In Which Irony Gives Up

April 15, 2009

BAW:  “Okay, Irony.  Look, I know it’s been a rough year for you so far, but you really need to pull yourself together.”

Irony:  (drinks beer)

BAW:  “Plus, you’re getting kind of ripe, and we’re hoping to actually, you know, sell the house, and it’s kind of hard to explain why there’s a dissolute literary trope drinking beer on our sofa.”

Irony:  (grunts noncommittally)

BAW:  “C’mon, I!  You haven’t even explained what pushed you over the edge!”

Irony:  (pushes copy of today’s paper at BAW, points to article)

BAW:  “Yadda, yadda, typical protesters shut down speaker at a university article, yadda, yadda, fascist, yadda, yadda, racist…oh.”

Irony:  (snorts bitterly)

BAW:  “It was this quote, wasn’t it?”

UNC graduate student Tyler Oakley, who had organized the protest, said he regretted the broken window but not silencing Tancredo. “He was not able to practice his hate speech,” said Oakley. “You have to respect the right of people to assemble and collectively speak.”

BAW:  “Wow.  Okay.  So a university student doesn’t see the irony in that statement at all.  At a liberal-arts school, no less.  Wow.”

Irony:  (belches loudly, grabs another beer)

BAW:  “Scoot over and hand me the Cheetos.”

Monday Amusement

April 13, 2009

I read this piece in the Chronicle Review this a.m., in which Stan Katz posits that the recession may be the way to turn students away from the avaricious pursuit of careers in finance and toward noble, altruistic careers in teaching, government and public service.

He worries that when the bubble economy returns, students’ altruistic “values” will dissipate.  Fair enough, but I think he overlooks the obvious – students are incurring huge debts in order to attend college.  In order for these students to ever have a hope of a debt-free future, they have to pursue careers that will at least enable them to pay off their loans and maybe one day allow them to be able to buy a home or raise a family or travel to Tahiti, or whatever.  In short, if you go to college, and you pay for college with the expectation that it is supposed to raise your earning potential, then OF COURSE you are going to be more likely to choose whichever job will help you a) pay off the college debt quickly, and b) offer a return on your investment.  Right now, those jobs look to be in the public sector.  Perhaps it’s not so much evil avarice driving these kids as it is a desire not to spend the rest of your life in hock for a four-year stint in higher education.  Of course, I’m down here in cow college central.  At the ivies, YMMV.

Yep, I realize I’ve reduced the point of a college education down to nothing more than a value-add on the net income line.  But it wasn’t me who did that particular piece of dirty work – I’m just pointing out the current reality.  Feel free to rant about this unfair turn of events and the myriad causes thereof in the comments section.  I don’t have a dog in that fight anymore – perhaps the Man has finally succeeded in beating me down.

In short, I don’t think it’s quite fair to pin the “greedy and morally deficient” labels on a bunch of kids who have been told all their lives that college leads to a better life and more earning potential, who then act on that information in order to have a better life and more earning potential.

Why I Love Paglia, Part 1 Million

April 8, 2009

Politically, we probably diverge more often than not, but I always enjoy reading her, even when she goes off on what I consider to be bizarre flights of postmodern fancy, and I am always baffled by the hostility her alleged “fellow travelers” display toward her in the comments over at Salon. From her latest column, a brief Q&A that gives her take on why that may be so. It seems spot-on to me, given the fact that vitriol, cheap shots, and old-fashioned pseudo-intellectual snobbery seem to have taken the place of political discourse lately:

Q: Regarding your observations about the rehabilitation of Sarah Palin and the insufferable snottiness of Dick Cavett and other good liberals: Is it possible that there might be something really ugly at the core of contemporary liberalism? You call yourself a liberal, and you vote liberal, yet you are under constant attack by your liberal compatriots. Why? Because of your open-mindedness and your “real feminism” (as opposed to faux leftist feminism).

In the meantime, the torching of Sarah Palin’s church in Alaska (children were inside when the fire with accelerant was set) evokes a collective shrug in the mainstream media and other liberal precincts (if you can find any reference to the event at all). Why the all-too-frequent and downright nasty face of contemporary liberalism?

Timothy Condon
Tampa, Fla.

A:  Yes, something very ugly has surfaced in contemporary American liberalism, as evidenced by the irrational and sometimes infantile abuse directed toward anyone who strays from a strict party line. Liberalism, like second-wave feminism, seems to have become a new religion for those who profess contempt for religion. It has been reduced to an elitist set of rhetorical formulas, which posit the working class as passive, mindless victims in desperate need of salvation by the state. Individual rights and free expression, which used to be liberal values, are being gradually subsumed to worship of government power.

The problems on the American left were already manifest by the late 1960s, as college-educated liberals began to lose contact with the working class for whom they claimed to speak. (A superb 1990 documentary, “Berkeley in the Sixties,” chronicles the arguments and misjudgments about tactics that alienated the national electorate and led to the election of Richard Nixon.) For the past 25 years, liberalism has gradually sunk into a soft, soggy, white upper-middle-class style that I often find preposterous and repellent. The nut cases on the right are on the uneducated fringe, but on the left they sport Ivy League degrees. I’m not kidding — there are some real fruitcakes out there, and some of them are writing for major magazines. It’s a comfortable, urban, messianic liberalism befogged by psychiatric pharmaceuticals. Conservatives these days are more geared to facts than emotions, and as individuals they seem to have a more ethical, perhaps sports-based sense of fair play.

Probably the main reason for my unorthodox view of politics (as in my instant approval of Sarah Palin) is that I had much more childhood contact with working-class life than appears to be the norm among current American columnists. One of my grandfathers was a barber, and the other was a leather worker at the Endicott-Johnson shoe factory in upstate New York. Thanks to the G.I. Bill, my father was able to attend college, the only one in his large family to do so. I was born while he was still in college and mopping floors in the cafeteria. Years later, he became a high-school teacher and then a professor at a Jesuit college, but we never left our immigrant family roots in industrial Endicott. To this day, I have more rapport with campus infrastructure staffers (maintenance, security) than I do with other professors or, for that matter, writers. Don’t get me started on the hermetic bourgeois arrogance of American literati!

I can’t wait to work the phrase “hermetic bourgeois arrogance”  into conversation.

I don’t get hockey – not in a metaphysical way, or anything.

February 23, 2009

I literally don’t get it.  Okay, so you get a penalty for tripping, but you and another guy can beat the crap out of each other on the ice for about 3 minutes and the refs will just stand there, and then you get a penalty?  Or tossed out?  I don’t know.  So how come they didn’t fight after every roughing up incident?  What made the one incident such a big, fat, hairy deal?  Everybody was getting slammed around the entire game.  Whatever, heavily padded guys with unpronounceable names.

And how the hell do you delay the game?  I’m just trying to figure out where the puck is and it all seems to be moving pretty quickly to me, so again, whatever, people.

But The Boy got a foam finger, and yelled “woooo!” at the appropriate moments when Ric Flair was on the jumbotron, and our team won, so I’m calling our yearly foray to the arena a success.

In other news, clawing my way back from the phlegm-producing cold from hell, and feeling much better.  Of course, this feeling is somewhat tempered by the fact that I have to spend tomorrow corralling chemists (who are notorious for being whiny and feeling put-upon on this campus – no clue why) for the media. God only knows what they’ll say on camera.

I need more vitamin C.

David Brooks is a funny guy

February 10, 2009

Seriously.  You can tell he likes Tom Wolfe, because their observational suburban humor is similar.

Plus, he said he was a fan of Wolfe, so there you go.

This week has been taken up by the Emerging Issues Forum, where Brooks spoke this a.m.  We also saw Chris Dodd (I know), the entire NC congressional delegation, and a passel of other political types pontificating on infrastructure and, inevitably, the bailout.

The only thing I learned for sure?  Well, things, actually.  The first thing is that the convention center’s catering is pretty good!  The second is that it doesn’t matter how hard you press yourself against the wall, if you’re in a room with politicians, they will find you and shake your hand.

Hopefully my world will be back to normal–or what is passing for normal at the current time, an important distinction–tomorrow.

 

Prepare for Vomit, in 3…2…1

February 5, 2009

Saturday marks the 5th annual Krispy Kreme challenge, a non-university event that still takes place here, because it was started by our students.

What, you may ask, is the KKC?

You have to start at the belltower, run 2 miles to the local Krispy Kreme, eat a dozen donuts, and run the 2 miles back in 1 hour.  Hopefully you will do all this without puking your guts out, but history has taught us otherwise.  In case you’re wondering, 5,000 people have signed up to do it this year.

This year, ESPN is sending a crew to cover it.  Which means I get to work the event. 

I am totally wearing washable shoes.  And I’d better get some free donuts, dammit.

For fun, here’s the student-made trailer for last year’s challenge.

Remember:  1 hour, 4 miles, 12 donuts, 2400 calories!