Thursday, October 15, 2:00 a.m.
Me: Hmmm. That was a contraction. I shall time them! 10 minutes apart–well, I’ve got some time.
Thursday, October 15, 3:00 a.m.
Me: Hublet, I’m thinking we should be able to wait until 5 or so to get The Boy to the neighbor’s house.
Hublet: Okay.
Thursday, October 15, 3:30 a.m.
Me: Huh. These contractions sure are a lot stronger than they were at the beginning of The Boy’s labor. And I think they’re 6 minutes apart. And I think I’m having smaller ones between the big ones.
Thursday, October 15, 4: 00 a.m.
Me: (In shower) 4 minutes apart. Hublet, call the neighbors and tell them we’ll be there at 4:30.
Thursday, October 15, 4:30 a.m.
Me: 3 minutes? Are you kidding me? Drive faster, dear.
Thursday, October 15, 5:00 a.m.
Me: Hublet, I seem to be having trouble walking to the registration desk. Help me out.
Thursday, October 15, 5:05 a.m. Triage room.
Me: It was awfully hard to get undressed – I feel a lot of pressure. I may need to push.
Triage nurse: Hold up a minute, let me check you…that’s the head! Call the doctor!
Me: So no drugs? I think I should push.
Nurse: NO DRUGS! DON’T PUSH!
Me: I don’t really have a choice here!
Doctor: Good grief, that was fast – weren’t you at 10 minutes apart 3 hours ago? Okay, completely done and the head is at plus 2!
Me: Can I push? I really need to push!
Everyone in the room: Uh, sure, I guess.
Flailing ensues as nurses try to grab supplies and doctor tries to get gloves on.
Hublet (entering with suitcase): What?
Me: OW! JESUS CHRIST!
The Girl: WAAAAAAA!
Nurses: Holy crap.
Doctor: Well, that was quick.
Hublet: (cuts cord) Holy crap.
Me: Great. Can I have a Motrin?
Nurse: You can have a percoset if you want.
Me: See, that would have been nice before I pushed the baby out.
The Girl entered the world at 5:11 a.m. on Oct. 15. She has 10 fingers, 10 toes, one lovely little round head, and no antlers or other obvious radiation or advanced maternal age-related mutations that we can see. The Boy is very excited to be a big brother, Hublet is holding up quite well, and I’m just pleased that I didn’t actually give birth in the car. All in all, life is good.
October 17, 2009 at 4:10 am
One of the best birth stories I’ve ever heard. Congratulations!
October 17, 2009 at 4:36 am
Congrats! In the recreation, we’ll be sure to have the ill-cast and silent actor playing Hublet gesture quite mightily with that suitcase. Also, we promise, no matter how much he begs and pleads, that Mickey Rooney will not get the role of The Boy.
October 17, 2009 at 11:05 am
Congratulations!
October 17, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Congratulations! May she learn to sleep through the night as rapidly as she made her way into the outside world!
October 17, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Hooray! I like happy endings.
October 18, 2009 at 12:13 am
Congratulations! I know you are grateful to have her out where she doesn’t have to sit on your bladder.
I hope all of yall’s adjustments go well.
October 19, 2009 at 12:53 am
Congratulations. She’s beautiful. (I sneaked over and looked before posting.)
October 19, 2009 at 1:06 am
You are my hero! All those young moms with their whining about stretch marks and how hard and long labor was…take that! Big Arm Woman, in all her 40 yr old glory, just birthed a beautiful baby like a prizefighter. Well done my fellow advanced maternal age friend!
October 19, 2009 at 2:15 pm
You Rock BAW!
October 19, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Congratulations!
October 19, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Happy ending, nice & tidy,
It’s a rule I learned in school.
Get your money every Friday,
Happy endings are the rule!
In musical comedy, and sometimes in real life. It doesn’t get realer than this. Congratulations to all, and may she be less trouble than the parents of daughters (me, for instance) can tell you about.
October 19, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Congratulations! What a great labor story!
Best wishes to The Girl and the entire Big Arm household!
October 19, 2009 at 8:00 pm
You know, I just had the awesome thought that The Girl will probably live well into the 22nd Century.
October 19, 2009 at 8:30 pm
We are all so excited! I can’t wait to hold her (after a thorough Purell detailing). Congratulations and way to accidentally experience the miracle of natural childbirth. Ha. That’s awesome! I’m very glad you made it to the hospital!
October 19, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Congratulations, BAW! Glad all are doing well.
October 19, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Many happy returns of the day to your new daughter – is she now the LAW?
October 20, 2009 at 12:08 am
Congrats to the BAW family. Not to be melodramatic, but holding the Girl the other night was one of the highlights of my life.
October 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm
All right! Way to go!
Friend of mine’s wife did give birth in the car on the way to the hospital. He has a sense of humor and wanted to name her I-40. Mom said no for some reason.
October 31, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Congratulations! What a great story.
November 10, 2009 at 6:16 am
(Good Grief, it’s been over a month and I haven’t offered my congrats yet.)
If your eyes are still able to focus and you have 3 or 4 entire minutes to yourself to sit and read this, then Congratulations!
Now, get off the web and go take a nap.