Thursday, October 15, 2:00 a.m.
Me: Hmmm. That was a contraction. I shall time them! 10 minutes apart–well, I’ve got some time.
Thursday, October 15, 3:00 a.m.
Me: Hublet, I’m thinking we should be able to wait until 5 or so to get The Boy to the neighbor’s house.
Hublet: Okay.
Thursday, October 15, 3:30 a.m.
Me: Huh. These contractions sure are a lot stronger than they were at the beginning of The Boy’s labor. And I think they’re 6 minutes apart. And I think I’m having smaller ones between the big ones.
Thursday, October 15, 4: 00 a.m.
Me: (In shower) 4 minutes apart. Hublet, call the neighbors and tell them we’ll be there at 4:30.
Thursday, October 15, 4:30 a.m.
Me: 3 minutes? Are you kidding me? Drive faster, dear.
Thursday, October 15, 5:00 a.m.
Me: Hublet, I seem to be having trouble walking to the registration desk. Help me out.
Thursday, October 15, 5:05 a.m. Triage room.
Me: It was awfully hard to get undressed – I feel a lot of pressure. I may need to push.
Triage nurse: Hold up a minute, let me check you…that’s the head! Call the doctor!
Me: So no drugs? I think I should push.
Nurse: NO DRUGS! DON’T PUSH!
Me: I don’t really have a choice here!
Doctor: Good grief, that was fast – weren’t you at 10 minutes apart 3 hours ago? Okay, completely done and the head is at plus 2!
Me: Can I push? I really need to push!
Everyone in the room: Uh, sure, I guess.
Flailing ensues as nurses try to grab supplies and doctor tries to get gloves on.
Hublet (entering with suitcase): What?
Me: OW! JESUS CHRIST!
The Girl: WAAAAAAA!
Nurses: Holy crap.
Doctor: Well, that was quick.
Hublet: (cuts cord) Holy crap.
Me: Great. Can I have a Motrin?
Nurse: You can have a percoset if you want.
Me: See, that would have been nice before I pushed the baby out.
The Girl entered the world at 5:11 a.m. on Oct. 15. She has 10 fingers, 10 toes, one lovely little round head, and no antlers or other obvious radiation or advanced maternal age-related mutations that we can see. The Boy is very excited to be a big brother, Hublet is holding up quite well, and I’m just pleased that I didn’t actually give birth in the car. All in all, life is good.